Sunday, February 8, 2009

Thought it was time to Share

I haven't really shared alot here about our troubles with infertility, and since we are in the middle of fertility treatments I thought I would come clean and fill you all in.
Our personal friends and family would know that we are blessed with 4 amazing children, 1 via birth (14 years ago) 2 via straight out adoption while infants and 1 via long term legal Guardianship, but having a quiverful heart and having infertility is just one heartbreaking mix. Both Dh and I would dearly love more children, Don’t get us wrong we love all our children with all our hearts, but we really believe that I was placed on this earth to be a mother to many children, sure we are fostercarers and we love that job, but the heartache of losing children after you have love and cherished them is just too hard to bear sometimes.
The desire to Birth and nurture many children is so strong in me, I feel so strongly that it’s my only Job on this earth, it’s a spiritual thing, it’s a heart thing and it’s a head thing.........I believe as do a growing number of women I am begun to find all over the world that Mothering and child bearing is the most important Job in the world, and parenting a large family is just as important as if was raising one or two children.........this is not just a stage in my life, or a hobby or something that I can get sick of, it’s a lifelong Job a Job and duty that I cherisher . For me , To mother a child is the biggest honour a women can be given, in Gods eyes its seen as a job that should be cherished and honoured, so why do we as a society look down on women who only want to “mother” I over the last 14 years have met many women from all walks of life, who have small and large families but the common thread with all of them is they want to be respected and appreciated as Mothers, not by their children and husbands (although that is nice) but by society, they want Mothering seen as a Job that is as respected as a Doctor or Lawyer.......... Is that too hard to ask??
So anyway getting back to us, DH and I would love more children but of course we have this issue, or rather I have this issue called PCOS (poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome) which among other things causes fertility issues, weight gain, excess hair issues etc, basically my hormones are just nutso upside down and my ovaries produce alot of cysts due to this. To ovulate alot of women with PCOS need support from fertility medication, there are women (I know several) that have had pregnancies with no real issue but I am not one of them sadly. So this brings me to now.......I'm slap bang right in the middle of a Clomid supported cycle to try and get PG.
Early last year we after alot of heartache and a huge break (6 years)while adopting the boys, got pregnant on our first Clomid cycle with our new OBGYN/Fertility specialist, but tragically our joy turned to sorrow when at 8 weeks I lost the baby to miscarriage. So here I am in the middle of a cycle praying and hoping for the best possible outcome 2 red lines on a pregnancy test!.
Tomorrow is egg scan day, I have to have a scan to check egg size, after Thursdays scan things where looking a bit slow, the eggs growing where too small and the OB suggested 4 days of what Dh and I call "egg super juice" aka Puregon(rch)and then rescan me tomorrow (Monday).So tomorrow is a big day to see if the "super juice" has worked, I'm hoping for 2 eggs, 2 is better than one if you ask me, but my OB will be hoping for only 1 as she is very cautious about multiples ;o))
So I will keep you all posted, Pray for us will you...........we are asking God for a huge thing we know, but we know that he is a wonderful God and we pray that our hearts desire is his Will in our lives.


  1. Nicki!

    I am praying for you friend! I CAN SOO relate! I lost the fertility battle and was forced to have a hysterectomy so their will be no more birth children for me (dd age 20). But I KNOW that Noah is not our only other child and God will send more. I KNOW IT! PRAYING HARD FOR YOU that you are pregnant SOON!
    love and hugs
    Noah's mama

  2. Praying for God's perfect timing for you both :-). And I think twins would be FUN! ;-D

  3. Twins are fun ;) and Micki I am praying that all your luck is good.

    How did you go ?