Thursday, June 19, 2008

Katie gave us a scare

We the life of a Mother is never dull, Miss Katie gave us a scare today, for those that don't know she has a complex heart condition, well anyway today she fainted or blacked out while out shopping(the Dr aren't sure what she really did), She is okay but she sure gave us a huge scare, so after a trip by ambulance to the ER, every test done and a long ride home in peek hour traffic we have had a day I sure wouldn't like to repeat anytime soon.
Life with Cardiac kids is kind of like living on a knifes edge at times, one 1cm the wrong way and you’re on your way to hospital with a child who is scared out of her brain about what’s going to happen this time. Will it be more needles, more horrible test etc, from a parents point of view your just asking yourself is this the time that they tell it there is nothing more they can do, or is this the time they tell you more surgery is needed or is this another false alarm that has you aging 10 years in 10 minutes.
Mostly we live in a world where CHD's(Congenital Heart Disease/defects) is the enemy we spend out life running from the next crisis trying to avoid admissions to hospital, while trying to protect our kids from harm, it’s a heart breaking balancing act.
Don't get me wrong Katie lives a full and happy life for the most part, she is active, happy, cheeky, and full of spirit, she is bright, a great speller and she loves books and emailing her teacher and friends......she's an average 10 year old in so many ways. But there is this part of her life, CHD that makes her so different from her peers is so many ways, a simple virus can have her in hospital, if she gets a chest infection we are in ICU, if she gets a common childhood disease its panic stations, her friends parents are scared to have her stay over (who can blame them), and a simple every day tooth ache can mean a life threatening infection.
CHD parents don't see life that same way as most parents do, CHD does something to our spirit, our soul, it changes you, I am not sure it’s bad changes, you just see things in a different light I guess, you balance protecting your child with letting them be them, you balance risk and fun all the time. But unlike a parent of an average health kid you see danger, risk and harm in everything, you place signs on your door in winter asking people to not enter if they have a cold, you have to decide if preschool is worth the risk of them being sick all the time and you have to spend your life explaining to teachers, friends and even family why your child is tiny, can't run in cross countries and why letting them run around in the middle of summer could kill them......after a while though it becomes ingrained in your parenting, almost automatic and you have this kind of unnormal normal.........Then days like today rock your soul, they show you just how fragile life is, how easy it can just vanish before your very eyes, but if you are really lucky, for each day like today one filled with fear and heartache(and greying hair) you get a hundred days of joy, days of watching the child that everyone told you to give up on, or told you would never function at a normal level achieve milestones that no expert ever imagined they would achieve and it make you proud, proud of her, proud of yourself and proud that you where blessed with one of the most amazing kid on the planet.

1 comment:

  1. what a day Katie and you had Nicki and what a beautiful post full of hope .

    I never realised what Cardiac kids go through. Katie I guess is older and wiser now she is more aware too of things happening.She must have been very scared.

    wishing you strength, resilience and peace.