Thursday, February 11, 2010

A Fostercarers heart!

Recently a near tragic event unfolded in my home with one of our Foster children, it was pure accident, and measures have been taken so it will never happen again....thankfully PRAISE JESUS! the child was okay after emergency treatment and is back to full health.
In sharing the story with some online friends it became clear that many do not understand the heart of a fostercarer or what motivates us so I thought I would share that.
The man(DH) and I have been opening our hearts and home to foster children for 13 years, for the most part its awesome, we get to meet some amazing resilient and inspiring children and we get to often watch their birth families make changes that get their kids back.We love to build trust and friendships with Birthfamilies so we can become part of a support network that helps them grow to be better parents...But sometimes its a very frustrating time, and sometimes it's very hard not to judge people for their actions towards innocent, precious children. After all we are human and it’s very hard not to set a parenting standard at the same standard you hold yourself too.That standard though often comes from a life time of oppitunities to learn to be good parents, a life time of support and love from extended family this is often something that many birthfamilies we work with just do not have or get. This then leaves them not equipped or skilled enough or have the resources to step up for their kids. SO It’s frustrating when they repeatedly muck up and further abuse their kids and Sometimes in our frustrations we fostercarers appear to judge birth families, make assumptions and even make off hand statements about them.......BUT it’s not often our heart talking because if it was our heart talking in these times we would tell you that many of us want to hug, nurture and mentor families, many of us see our own teen/adults sons and daughters personalities in the families we work with, We understand how things have gone wrong and why, and we want to be a guiding light to reunification......and then sometimes we in our experience just know a family isn't going to make it or the abuse is unable to be forgiven or forgotten in a short space of time or the birthfamily is so broken from substance abuse or mental health issues they just can't find it in themselves to break free from it for there children and the kids need a safer long term these times our hearts are often torn and shattered, not just for the kids but also for the parents.....Pretty much all of us experienced fostercarers understand that the best place if at all possible for a child is with his or her birth family. Many of us are overly giving people with tender hearts, often too tender and we hurt easier when our actions are judged by others, or we are misunderstood or at least feel that way. We love the children we care for, each and every one of them and although that is often hard to hear when you’re a birth family it’s true......The true heart of a fostercarer isn't about judging, or even correcting the true heart of a fostercare could care less about money, or "getting back at the abusing parents" a true heart of a fostercare is about unconditional love for someone else’s child(and yes their family) even if that is for a short time or a life time........
Hugs Nicki


  1. you didnt owe an explanation to us

  2. Nicki, you do have such a loving and sweet heart! God needs people like you every day to work His will. Thank you for letting Him work through you.